ADHD Archives - Growing In Grace

Freedom from Procrastination Book Review

March 30, 2023Tracy

I’m not sure I’ve met anyone who doesn’t ever struggle with procrastination, but I know it’s definitely something I’ve struggled with. And I can see that those I know who have ADHD definitely struggle with procrastination. Some of that battle has to do with time blindness and time management, but there’s also a heart-battle involved. That heart-issue leading to procrastination is what caught my attention when I saw Barb Raveling’s book Freedom from Procrastination mentioned on instagram. She graciously provided a pdf copy for me to review and share with you. The book has been extremely helpful, as I’ve mulled over it for the last couple of months, working through the different “Renewal” questions and worksheets provided, and studying the devotional parts of the book. If procrastination is your struggle, and you are ready to get to the heart of the issue, this book is a tremendous resource.

Freedom from Procrastination review:

Getting to the Heart of What’s Holding You Back

Shifting the Mood in your Homeschool: Strategies for Emotional Dysregulation

November 10, 2022Tracy

Homeschooling a child with ADHD, dyslexia, or another learning challenge means there are probably some pretty intense moods. The brain regulates more than just attention, and those emotions can dysregulate pretty quickly. A subject takes longer than expected, an assignment or project is different than your child first thought, the pencil lead breaks, a math problem needs to be erased—it honestly doesn’t take much for the whole day to spiral into a meltdown (and some of those meltdowns are my own, if I’m honest). But just because emotions are high doesn’t mean the day is lost. There is a way, even in the emotional storm, to shift the mood and regain the day with a few simple strategies.

Organizing the ADHD family with weekly planning

October 26, 2022Tracy

Our family is ADHD multiple times over, which translates to lots of distraction and forgetfulness and miscommunication if we aren’t proactive. As our kids get older and add more to their schedules, it becomes increasingly difficult for my husband and I to keep track of everything we have going and everywhere we need to be, especially when one or more of us forgets to mention an activity or commitment until just before we need to be there. One of the ways we stay on the same page as a family and teach self-management skills for our kids is to have weekly family planning meetings as part of our regular routines. Organizing the ADHD family is not simple, but these weekly meetings have helped to simplify some of the chaos.

3 ADHD Organization Tips for Staying on Track

October 13, 2022Tracy

I like to see my people happy. I like to see them succeeding and doing well. But one of the constant pitfalls for anyone with ADHD is organization: managing all the things and balancing the demands for time. Anyone who knows someone with ADHD or has ADHD themselves recognizes that personal time management and organization is a constant nemesis. Organizing one’s day, keeping track of tasks, prioritizing those tasks, understanding and realizing the passing of time or how much time a task requires, then being flexible when this hard-won plan has to be changed— these can seem like insurmountable odds. It’s that Frontal Cortex, that executive functioning that goes offline whenever it wants, reeking so much havoc in the life of someone with ADHD.

We experience this on so many levels. From my kids, to myself, to my husband, we all have our individual battles with this. And I hate to see the struggle and frustration it causes. So my life is very organized and fairly well structured because our routines are our lifelines, our coping mechanisms. So here’s a glimpse into the big picture of how we regulate our various strands of ADHD. In future posts, I’ll break down the baby steps that help us with organizing our ADHD, but for now, here are the ADHD organization tips that keep us on course.

Simple Steps to a Successful Routine

May 13, 2020Tracy

Change often means chaos, executive function failure, and total upheaval for those who live with ADHD, whether that change is summer break, winter break, or coronavirus quarantine, it really doesn’t matter. ADHD makes self-regulating extremely difficult, particularly when life changes suddenly and the systems we had in place to motivate and anchor us unravel into uncertainty. We lose our natural rhythm and face insurmountable odds trying to lasso the winds of change and ride out the storm. So how do you have a system in place that can withstand change, a system that can ride with the storms and yet help us all to stay anchored? For our family, I’ve learned that a successful routine can make all the difference.

Handling Unfulfilled Expectations, Disappointments, & Failure

May 18, 2017Tracy

Disappointments are a part of life. Unfortunately, we have to face that reality pretty early in our existence. If I could pinpoint the number one reason for meltdowns, anxiety, and emotional outbursts with my kids, it would be unfulfilled expectations. From my oldest to my youngest, they each have certain expectations of what the day will be like, how their siblings will play with them, where we will go, what we will eat, etc. And if any of those expectations don’t happen, it can get pretty ugly.

I can hardly blame them. After all, even as an adult it’s often not easy to process unfulfilled expectations. I know the usual advice is to set “realistic” expectations, but the reality is that no expectation is truly realistic. After all, when I have to combat Murphy’s law, my own forgetfulness, people’s short comings (including my own), ADHD multiple times over, and all of the chaos that comes from parenting three kids, the only realistic expectation is getting up in the morning. (And even that occurs earlier than I expect most mornings.) So how can I maintain my sanity and help my kiddos understand a healthy way to process and deal with life’s disappointments? The answer to unfulfilled expectations is not really what I am expecting but WHO I am expecting it from.

“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.” ~Psalm 62:5

You see, it really is ridiculous to think that I can expect anything from anyone else when I can’t even meet my own expectations. And while I could easily blame a number of people and miscellaneous factors for my unfulfilled expectations, the truth is I’m a sinner—and so is every one else, except for One. That One is the only One who is perfect, holy, and unchanging. He is the only One who can fulfill and even exceed expectation. He is the only One in whom my confidence should rest.

When my expectation is in the right place, the tempest of my emotions can settle. No longer am I expecting my children to realize I have needs or to be motivated to clean their rooms and finish the dishes on their own; no longer am I expecting myself to have everything under control and to remember the 1001 things I need to be doing; no longer am I expecting my husband to never have a bad day on the same day I have one or to come to my rescue and meet all of my emotional needs. Instead, I wait for, rest in, rely on the One who knows all, controls all, provides all.

I have to believe this and live this out with my kiddos. Together, we have to lay all of those expectations in His hands and trust Him to work out the details. So we’ve started praying a simple prayer together:

“God, this day is not going the way we expected.

Please help us to trust you with the day you’ve given us instead.”

Our only “realistic expectation” is that God will come through for us and provide us with everything we need for everything we will face. When He is our only expectation, we receive only fulfillment. After all, how could we expect anything less from the One whose name is “I AM”?

Homeschooling a Child with ADHD (and everything that comes with it)

March 6, 2017Tracy

Parenting a child with ADHD is challenging on so many levels, and honestly the hyperactivity and distraction is a walk in the park compared to the rest of the package. ADHD rarely comes alone; it’s accompanied by depression, anxiety, rage, sensory processing issues, auditory processing issues, and a slew of other “disorders” and “syndromes.” And as if our kids weren’t challenging enough, there are the additional challenges of battling our own insecurities and mommy guilt, as well as battling what other people are saying and what we think they are saying.

So homeschooling a child with ADHD is, as you might assume, rather chaotic. It doesn’t look anything like I had imagined. And though we are in a much better place today then we were a couple of years ago, I remember the days when I doubted that I could do this. There were days when I felt like I did more counseling than actual homeschooling. There were days when one child would fly into a biting, scratching, head-banging rage, another child would be screaming inconsolably, and my toddler would be smearing poo all over the house. And I wasn’t sure I’d survive the day. But you know what? My kids learned, even when I didn’t think it was possible.

We learned in short spurts (10 to 15 minutes per subject).

We learned creatively and actively.

We learned when we had a chance, in the good moments.

And because of the environment of having that one-on-one attention and plenty of time to burn that excess energy, my kids have done well academically. Our ADHD kids are smart.

And while medication was not the long term answer for our kids, I’m thankful for the gift ADHD meds gave to my family during that time. It helped me to see who my children really were in the midst of that overwhelming fog. It gave me the chance to get my head above water and rethink our lifestyle and habits and routines. It wasn’t perfect: some days the meds worked, some days they seemed to be too much, other days they weren’t nearly enough. But the meds worked enough to help clear the haze and allow me to see that there could be some dietary links.

About a year and half ago, we began an elimination diet and I journaled religiously—everything we ate and every behavior. After awhile, some patterns emerged. It took several months of watching those patterns and eliminating different foods. But eventually, both my older kids went off meds and my youngest (never on meds) also had dramatic improvements in his temperament and sensory issues. My daughter’s journey took a little longer and involved a few more supplements, but eventually she was able to reach a healthy baseline. Are they cured? No, the dopamine and seratonin issues show up in the DNA; it will always be there. But we are able to manage their challenges best right now with diet and supplements.

My kids are still a very active, loud, dramatic, funny, personality-plus crew of hooligans. They still have BIG EMOTIONS that we have to work through. But in spite of all of the challenges, we’ve had the chance to see the treasure, too. You see, ADHD rarely comes alone; it comes with creativity, innovation, humor, imagination, and a wild sense of adventure. We are never short of laughs and unbelievable antics. My life is full and rich (and loud) and never dull, not for a split-second.

Is homeschooling the right option for your ADHD child? Only you know that. But I definitely don’t regret having homeschooled ours and the opportunities they’ve had to excel in learning in spite of their challenges, to love learning because we can keep it short and active and customized, to have meaningful friendships that allow them to be loud and quirky and every bit who they are. Can you homeschool a child with these obstacles? Sure you can. Just like you can wake up each day and parent. There are good days and bad days in homeschooling, just like there are good days and bad days in parenting. There are days when it is the most amazing experience ever, and there are days when I wonder what on earth I’m thinking. But there’s not a single day when I wouldn’t do absolutely all I could for my kid.

So if I could have a moment with myself of two or three years ago, if I could tell you what I’ve learned over the last few years, I’d say it’s okay to feel inadequate and helpless and imperfect. It’s okay to not know the solutions right now. It’s okay that you aren’t the “fun mom” or the “creative mom” or even the “patient mom.” You are still the perfect mom for this job, because God chose you for this child. And He doesn’t make mistakes. ADHD doesn’t come alone; and you are a key component in the journey.

If you are new to this journey and need a friend, I would love to hear from you. I also highly recommend the book Superparenting for ADD.

Want to follow more of our journey?