I like to see my people happy. I like to see them succeeding and doing well. But one of the constant pitfalls for anyone with ADHD is organization: managing all the things and balancing the demands for time. Anyone who knows someone with ADHD or has ADHD themselves recognizes that personal time management and organization is a constant nemesis. Organizing one’s day, keeping track of tasks, prioritizing those tasks, understanding and realizing the passing of time or how much time a task requires, then being flexible when this hard-won plan has to be changed— these can seem like insurmountable odds. It’s that Frontal Cortex, that executive functioning that goes offline whenever it wants, reeking so much havoc in the life of someone with ADHD.
We experience this on so many levels. From my kids, to myself, to my husband, we all have our individual battles with this. And I hate to see the struggle and frustration it causes. So my life is very organized and fairly well structured because our routines are our lifelines, our coping mechanisms. So here’s a glimpse into the big picture of how we regulate our various strands of ADHD. In future posts, I’ll break down the baby steps that help us with organizing our ADHD, but for now, here are the ADHD organization tips that keep us on course.
3 ADHD Organization Tips for Staying on Track
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1. Routines
Morning routines are especially important for us, during the summer as much as during the school year. It seems, for our whole family, that if we can just get launched and off the runway in the right direction, the rest of the day will more or less fall in place. But those mornings need a regular rhythm. For one, a morning routine helps us to prioritize those things that are our highest values, like Bible reading, a healthy breakfast, a daily plan, a clean environment, and time together. Otherwise, we start the day scrambling and behind; the things most important to us get cast aside for the urgent. In the end, without a routine, we set ourselves up to respond to “the urgent” for the rest of the day, which leads to chaos, bad attitudes, and frustration.
2. Communication
We have to communicate intentionally, as in formal “sit down” planning sessions to communicate what’s going on, so that we are all on the same page and coordinated. Otherwise, assumptions are made, events are not mentioned to everyone involved, and chaos quickly erupts as we react to immediate demands rather than making intentional decisions. So for us, we’ve instituted weekly meetings on Sunday evenings to go over everyone’s plans for the week; and yes, the kids are involved in these meetings. We talk about plans, events, tasks, due dates, and even expectations and priorities. Those plans are written down and posted on the fridge for all to see.
My favorite tool for this has been the Weekly Kickstart Notepad from Inkwell Press, (referral link, plus $10 off) which we have used every week this year, and I just ordered more. I like a lot of the Inkwell products and systems for keeping us on track, and this notepad tops the list.
These meetings are chaotic and messy and often hard. Kids talk over one another and interrupt with questions or exclamations about an announcement or upcoming event. We muddle through these meetings each week because it’s important; we need it.
My husband and I also have a Google calendar we share, and we take a few minutes each morning to coordinate and go over not just events for the day but also expectations and personal priorities. We ask each other, “How can I help you with what you have today?” Sometimes, there isn’t anything; at other times, a small task can help the other person feel less overwhelmed. We make very intentional efforts to communicate so that, as much as possible, we are at least on the same highway going in the same direction.
3. Healthy accountability
We all need reminding. I am naturally very forgetful, and my hypothyroidism doesn’t help. From early on, I’ve cultivated in my kids the idea that I welcome reminding. “It’s not nagging,” I tell them, “I actually welcome the reminder, even if I haven’t forgotten.” I know my limitations; I know I need community and the help of others. But somehow, I still hesitate or get annoyed when I have to remind my kids. ADHD makes them forgetful; being kids makes them forgetful. They get distracted; and yes, they procrastinate. Yet, one thing I’ve discovered about myself and about my kids, is that nagging is all in the attitude and tone of voice. An encouraging reminder done respectfully and nicely, assuming the best of someone, is usually welcome. A frustrated, snarky reminder because I’m tired of telling you for the umpteenth time is nagging; and no one likes to be nagged.
One thing we work to foster in our home, albeit imperfectly, is a healthy accountability. We all need each other. We all welcome reminders to get back on track, because with a family of ADHD, it’s easy to get off track.
Staying the Course
A routine is our on-ramp or our runway that helps us find a way to re-enter the day, or get back to a particular task, from any given point. Communication is the blinker; it allows others to know our plans and helps us to get there. Accountability is like the rumble strip, reminding us when we’ve wandered off course. How we implement these ideas has changed and morphed over the years. We try things, re-evaluate and try again. But the anchors of routine, communication, and accountability have been in place in various ways throughout our ADHD journey of learning personal and family organization. In seasons where we have not had these in place, like the first week or two of a summer break, we have felt the overwhelming chaos and stress that results. And inevitably, we scramble to get these three elements back in place in some form or fashion as quickly as possible.
I’ve tried to keep these categories wide so that you can make them fit your family and your needs. What routines do you need to help you manage your day? Maybe it’s a steady evening routine that will help your mornings run more smoothly. Maybe communication is a morning meeting, rather than an evening one. Maybe accountability looks like calendar notifications and sticky notes. Whatever specific form it takes, routine, communication, and accountability are the 3 ADHD organization tips that keep our ADHD brains from self-destructing.
