My daughter’s dyslexia has created a lot of anxiety for her over the years, which means a lot of meltdowns during a homeschool day and week. Homeschooling a child with learning anxieties is no small feat. In fact, this summer we couldn’t even discuss the start of school without my daughter emotionally shutting down for the rest of the day. I knew we needed to make big changes this year, but I’ve been surprised at how small the adjustments were that created those big changes. Little by little, we’ve tackled our homeschooling in different ways to try to help her in this area, each year making more progress. And this year, it’s been the best yet.
The adjustments we’ve made this year were largely due to some of my summer reading, particularly a book called The Self-Driven Child. (Check out more reading suggestions on homeschooling ADHD here.) I loved this book because it helped me to understand her stress and the remedy—giving her more control. The 4 small adjustments that have made such big changes to our homeschool year largely include giving my child more control of her day, not necessarily more independence but more control. Here’s what that looked like for us.
4 Small Adjustments to your Homeschool Year (that make a BIG difference)
I’ve let her make decisions about what she’d like her day to look like, when she wants to work with me, what subjects she’d like my help with, what subjects she’d like to start with, and what things will make homeschooling more pleasant. In the end, she made essentially the same decisions I would have made for her, but she made them rather than me dictating them.
We’ve added incentives. As part of our conversation about what she’d like our homeschool to look like, she mentioned wanting to start her day with a cup of tea. Additionally, she wanted to earn stickers and trips to the Dollar Store at the end of the week. I said “yes” to both, and it’s been the best decision. Instead of nagging about school, I remind her that it’s time to start her cup of tea or time to earn some stickers. The incentives help her to focus on the positives rather than the negatives in her day, and the incentives allow me to use positive motivation as well.
I let her work at her own pace, which is much slower than mine. But she’s happy taking her time, so I’ve determined to let her take all morning to do a couple of hours worth of work. The pressure of a time crunch adds too much stress for her. But it would for me, too! If I had someone setting a timer and telling me that I needed to make dinner faster, I would be an absolute mess—and I would hate cooking. There is a fine line between teaching time management and letting your child find her own pace. I’m learning that this year.
I’ve protected our homeschooling day and worked toward as consistent a week as possible. This means I’m saying “no” to more things this year, including a lot of good things. When we sat down to discuss what caused her anxiety, my daughter confessed that not knowing when she would finish her day was top of her list. She has ADHD as well as dyslexia, which means time awareness is pretty much non-existent for her. The only way for her to be aware of her time and when her day will end is by having every day as much the same as possible, keeping her routine as consistent as we could possibly make it. In this way, she knows that school ends mid-afternoon or earlier every day. When our days are flexible and we change our routine, school ends at different times. This inconsistency makes it easy for her to believe her fears—that she will “never” finish.
That said, this year has drastically improved over last year. We are 12 weeks into our school year, and my anxious learner has had no more than one or two meltdowns each week, and some weeks none at all. Compare that to last year, when I would have maybe one good day a week.
It’s truly been remarkable how such little adjustments to our homeschool year could have made such a big difference. I think, just like our anxious kids, it’s easy to believe things will never change or that drastic measures have to be taken to make things better. And sometimes, life-changing adjustments are needed. Other times, though, a little can go a long way in the right direction.
